5 Things To Do When You Feel Insecure

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I don't care how confident and self-assured someone is;. Jealous feelings are different from jealous behaviors Just as there is a difference between feeling angry and acting in a hostile way, there is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on your jealousy. And they tend to be the people who are the most caring. A place of security and self-love.

When we fall, our skin will scar and so we also scar from emotional pain. Does a narcissist ever get over it?

Feeling insecure

Relationships end because of jealous conflicts and people kill other people because they are jealous. You are at a party and someone is friendly and you smile. Your partner thinks that you are betraying her. Or your partner tells you a funny story about a former lover and you feel threatened. Susan could identify with this. She hoped he would get the message. At times she would withdraw into pouting, hoping to punish him for showing an interest in someone else. At other times Susan would ask him if she still found her attractive. Was he getting bored with her. At first, he would reassure her, but then---with repeated demands for her for more reassurance---he began to wonder why she felt so insecure. But, if you are jealous, does this mean that there is something terribly wrong with you. My colleague, Dennis Tirch, and I just published a paper on jealousy---and how to handle it. Click here link is external to get a copy of the article that appeared in the International Journal of Cognitive Therapy. Let's look at what is going on when you are jealous and how you can handle it. Jealousy is angry agitated worry. When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing and we fear that he or she will reject us. Since we feel threatened that our partner might find someone more attractive, we may activate jealousy as a way to cope with this threat. We may believe that our jealousy may keep us from being surprised, help us defend our rights, and force our partner to give up interests elsewhere. We view jealousy as a coping strategy. Similar to other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to focus only on the negative. Jealousy can be an adaptive emotion. People have different reasons—in different cultures---for being jealous. But jealousy is a universal emotion. Evolutionary psychologist David Buss in The Dangerous Passion makes a good case that jealousy has evolved as a mechanism to defend our interests. After all, our ancestors who drove off competitors were more likely to have their genes survive. Indeed, intruding males whether among lions or humans have been known to kill off the infants or children of the displaced male. Jealousy was a way in which vital interests could be defended. We believe that it is important to normalize jealousy as an emotion. Jealousy may reflect your higher values Psychologists---especially psychoanalysts---have looked at jealousy as a sign of deep-seated insecurities and personality defects. We view jealousy as a much more complicated emotion. In fact, jealousy may actually reflect your higher values of commitment, monogamy, love, honesty, and sincerity. You may feel jealous because you want a monogamous relationship and you fear that you will lose what is valuable to you. We find it helpful to validate these values in our patients who are jealous. Of course, this is true---and any loving relationship with mutuality is based on freedom. But it is also based on choices that two free people make. If your partner freely chooses to go off with someone else, then you may rest assured that you have good reasons to feel jealous. But if your higher values are based on honesty, commitment and monogamy, your jealousy may jeopardize the relationship. Jealous feelings are different from jealous behaviors Just as there is a difference between feeling angry and acting in a hostile way, there is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on your jealousy. But you have a choice of whether you act on it. What choice will be in your interest. Accept and observe your jealous thoughts what is being insecure feelings When you notice that you are feeling jealous, take a moment, breathe slowly, and observe your thoughts and feelings. Thinking and reality are different. Notice that your feeling of anger and anxiety may increase while you stand back and observe these experiences. Accept that you can have an emotion—and allow it to be. We have found that mindfully standing back and observing that a feeling is there can often lead to the feeling weakening on its own. Recognize that uncertainty is part of every relationship Like many worries, jealousy seeks certainty. Ironically, some people will even precipitate a crisis in order to get the certainty. But if you accuse, demand and punish, you might create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Examine your assumptions about relationships Your jealousy may be fueled by unrealistic ideas about relationships. These may include beliefs that past relationships that your partner had are a threat to your relationship. Or you may have problematic beliefs about how to feel more secure. For example, you may believe that you can force your partner to love you—or force him or her to lose interest in someone else. You may believe that withdrawing and pouting will send a message to your partner---and lead him to try to get closer to you. But withdrawing may lead your partner to lose interest. Sometimes your assumptions about relationships are affected by your childhood experiences or past intimate relationships. If your parents had a difficult divorce because your father left your mother for someone else, you may be more prone to believe that his may happen to you. Or you may have been betrayed in a recent relationship and you now think that your current relationship will be a replay of this. You may also believe that you have little to offer—who would want to be with you. If your jealousy is based on this belief, then you might examine the evidence for and against this idea. For example, one woman thought she had little to offer. But when I asked her what she would want in an ideal partner---intelligence, warmth, emotional closeness, creativity, fun, lots of interests---she realized that she was describing herself. If she were so undesirable, what is being insecure why would she see herself as an ideal partner. You can use more effective behavior. Praise each other, plan positive experiences with each other, and try to refrain from criticism, sarcasm, labeling, and contempt. Our most personal and valued relationships often bring out the very best and very worst in us. Close relationships, especially those of a romantic nature, require us to be vulnerable on some level… to show more of our true nature…. This vulnerability can trigger powerful emotions, the heady whirlwind of the ecstatic energy of 'love' can drudge up all kinds of unresolved stuff from the dregs of your past. This can be unexpected and scary. Some insecurity in love can be natural and normal. Any romance novel or movie would seem to suggest that these thoughts are part and parcel of the romance game. But, as in most things, what is important is balance. If you are feeling out of balance and if the insecurity in your relationship is heavily weighted towards your side of the scales, then maybe it's time to reflect on how you can strengthen your own self esteem and thus be a more attractive romantic partner and happier human being. It's easy to forget yourself in a romantic relationship… to morph into a hybrid shadow of the other person. Successful relationships, in my opinion, involve two separate people, with some separation in their lives, views, interests and social activities, who come together willingly because they enjoy each other's company. If you feel you are morphing into a 'hybrid shadow' and spending most of your days with or thinking of another human being, it's time to reach down the well, grab hold of what's left of the former you and give him or her a shake. Get back to the things you used to enjoy, make some plans with friends, join a class or interest group, write some poetry, play sports. These kind of things are magic dust for relationships… You feel happier, more balanced, and less obsessive and when you see your significant other, you have interesting and intriguing new things to talk about. It is natural to want the support of those close to you, and hopefully they are supportive. But, unless you have specifically chosen someone with a psychology degree, he or she is not your therapist even a psychologist probably doesn't want to practise therapy at home. Your insecurity, ultimately, is your problem, not theirs. One would expect him or her to be considerate and sympathetic of your concerns, but their job is not to heal you. Their job, if it is a job, is to enjoy spending time with you and to share life experiences with you. They came of their own free nature and may leave in a similar way. Practise being positive and happy when you talk to him and her. Practise having fewer expectations and going with the natural flow of things. If you have unresolved issues, consider actual therapy with a trained professional. No shame in working on yourself. You will probably be a better human being and thus more attractive romantic partner as a result. Employ the principles of active listening in your own relationships. Check your significant other is in the right frame of mind for a conversation before you jump into one if they never want to talk, you may have to draw your own conclusions about this. State your thoughts and feelings clearly but calmly… be conscious that heightened emotions have a way of escalating our interactions with others, leading to confusion and drama. Make a conscious effort to balance and ground yourself. Try to start sentences with 'I' not 'You'. Listen carefully to what you hear. Don't jump to immediate conclusions. Consider what you have heard, then form your view. As part of remembering you are a separate individual in your own right, it might be helpful to set your own expectations of what you will and will not tolerate in your personal relationshipa - not as some kind of autocratic love dictator but in the spirit of living and acting in accordance with your own values and respecting yourself. If it's worth it, perhaps keep them as a friend, and always unless they have been abusive in some way give them an explanation as to why the relationship cannot continue. If it's a choice between carrying on with a relationship you've tried to work on that makes you feel insecure, sad and doubtful or scouring the horizon for a more rewarding way to spend your time, I hope I would choose the latter. Well it starts within you and learning to believe in yourself it will take time of course but you need to find what you enjoying doing yourself what is being insecure could what is being insecure sports or social group activity to build up own self esteem and own self worth because this relationship is affecting you that way then once you do that you will have a very clear picture of what you should be doing for yourself and if this relationship really worth staying in if it makes you feel this way in the first place Its often a lack of self esteem or an issue in the past causing you to be insecure. Personally, what works for me, is to look at the big picture. I knew then I needed to work on myself at that point. It helps you love stronger when you learn to love yourself, too. Stop comparing yourself with others, we all secretly do that. When we will stop it, we will gain freedom, new breath for valuing ourselves. If you're in relationship, your partner has already accepted you, with all your beauty and flaws. Now it's your turn to accept yourself, to love yourself enough. Insecurity often stems from low self-esteem and it can cause problems in relationships. You might put yourself down, be worried what is being insecure your partner would cheat on you or that they what is being insecure leave in some way because you believe you aren't good enough. When you feel insecure, stop and think about the facts. Is there any evidence that suggests your partner doesn't think you are good enough. Chances are, you are so used to being put down, that even though you feel very insecure, there is usually nothing to worry about. Don't forget to talk to your partner as well, and let them know when you are feeling insecure. Don't blame them, instead say things such as 'I'm feeling insecure because. Perhaps write down on a sticky note your positive qualities and place them somewhere where you will see them everyday. When you feel insecure, remind yourself of these things. Try challenging the way you think too. Instead of blaming yourself when things go wrong, try to remove your feelings from the situation and look for other factors that may have influenced the situation. Don't compare yourself to others either as this can lead to further unhappiness and fuel the insecurities. Lastly, never let anyone put you down. Remember that we all have flaws, but each of us is unique in our own special way. The most common reason why we feel insecure in relationships is because we expect to be taken care of too much. When we take responsibility of our partner and act out of a place of security, even If we might not feel like it, the other one feels loved immediately - love is always stronger than any kind of insecurity, and the light you provide by being committed will reflect back on you and make you feel secure. Has your relationship ever given you a reason not to trust it or the other person. If not, then recognize that there are good people in the world and you may have found one. You probably feel insecure from past relationships falling and breaking. Well, don't let your past write your future. The first step would be learning to have faith in yourself and your feelings and accepting the fact that everything in life cannot be controlled and imposed. So let it be… go with the flow and take things a little calmly. You cannot impose or control how anybody else chooses to live their life and neither would it be fair. But what you can do is your part …. I believe that to love yourself you have to learn how to love other people and you will be surprised by the strength and peace that it gives you. Some people would say that there's no trust but from experience, I know this isn't always the case. Sometimes, you feel insecure in your relationship because of past experiences which is good and bad. It's good because you're more aware of what can happen but bad because sometimes your fears cause you to have illogical thoughts and expectations, even if you know the person wouldn't hurt you. What helps some people is to explain to their partner what happened to them and to let them know that they need their support what is being insecure understanding; so for example, when you need your own space, they should respect that. It also helps some people to go to a counsellor who may also suggest that you go to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but all this really depends on you and your situation as well as whatever is causing you to feel this way. I hope this helps and you feel better soon. Insecurity really is about a what is being insecure of trust-- a lack of feeling secure about one's place in, or the state of, a relationship. To build trust requires both partners; not only must your partner reach out to you to earn your trust, but you must trust your partner. You must give your partner the opportunity to earn your trust in so doing. Although this makes you vulnerable, it is a necessary part of any relationship. There are two main emotions in life, love and fear. To a certain extent you can choose which one you believe more in and act upon. The best chance you have of being secure in your relationship is by behaving in a loving way, developing trust. This will hopefully allow your partner to reciprocate a loving and trusting behaviour, therefore establishing a strong and positive relationship. I have learned that being honest with myself and open with a partner or potential partner can make a big difference. If my partner does not know why I am insecure, then many misunderstandings may occur that will drag both of us down. If my partner does know about it, they may be able to help me or support me in getting help with that insecurity. So, I think open communication as well as honesty with oneself is a good first step.

Doing drugs or being addicted to gambling can cause you to feel insecure about yourself. Consider the interaction between a narcissist and a non-narcissist that is described in the first three paragraphs of this post. Why do you have to be around her? And, when your health is poor, your insecurity rises. In this Article: The more and more we get addicted to social media and the more and more life seems to be about expensive handbags and shiny cars and pretty faces, sometimes it seems downright impossible to love ourselves. Your insecurity, ultimately, is your problem, not theirs. This means ditching your friends, family and other things that were previously important to you. I, for example, have a canoe full of insecurities. She Accuses You Of Ogling Every Attractive Woman You See This is difficult to defend against, because after all, you are a man. Are you Always worried about the future of your relation with your partner? In the first example i mentioned feeling insecure about your job , do you know what is the main reason behind your insecurity?